Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
dude. I can hear the air.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
