I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
