I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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