last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
