I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
