Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
