I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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