So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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