Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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