i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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