so that wasnt chicken after all
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
