Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You pole danced in your parka.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
