Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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