The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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