i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
