She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
