Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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