I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
