I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
