I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I need a burrito and a hug.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
