I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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