Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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