I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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