You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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