she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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