Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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