What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize