I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
