he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
