Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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