You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
