Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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