You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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