Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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