Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
