Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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