i think i have two assholes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
