i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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