you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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