We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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