Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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