I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
