I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
