i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
