dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
