Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
