remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
