Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
