Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
