You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
