He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
