My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
