i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
