i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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