I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You are the jesus of drinking
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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