Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why did my mother make you get naked?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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