never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
