I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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