I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize