they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
