I'm going to jail i love you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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