i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And then he peed in my hair
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