My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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