apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
