I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
