ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
